Dave Scarangella Column: "Because Now ... It's Personal For You Too"

(May 4, 2012) - All day long today, there have been comments on Twitter, stories on blogs, even conversations on radio programs like WJFK’s Mike Wise Show about depression and suicide. All were talking in the context of former San Diego Charger Junior Seau, who passed away yesterday.

People talked about how depression can affect you, the grief of the people left behind, and the disbelief of those who saw no signs of anything wrong with Seau.

Which brings us to the elephant in the room here in Loudoun County.

If you’ve ever read DullesDistrict.com, you’re aware Paul Draisey and I were very good friends. Two weeks ago was his funeral after he took his own life the previous Monday.

I wish I could tell you why he made the decision he did. I wish I could tell you the warning signs that were there that we all missed. I wish all of us who knew him could stop replaying every conversation we had with him over the past month, trying to analyze what anyone could have done that might have made a difference. I wish he were here so I could grab him by the collar with all my might and scream at him that there was no problem so great his family and friends couldn’t have helped him get through it.

But I can’t. He’s gone.

I can tell you one awful decision won’t deter from the years of laughter, friendship and camaraderie I enjoyed with Paul. He was at times bigger than life in the people he knew and the people he cared about. The day after his death, my phone never stopped ringing, as friends called friends, trying to console each other. It’s what Paul did every day, making sure if he hadn’t heard from someone, that they were OK. We were all filling that void with each other.

I can also tell you that from what I’ve learned about depression and suicide since the funeral, people who suffer from this affliction can be helped. Depression, I’ve discovered, is a physical, chemical illness in the brain where a person can stop thinking clearly. Options that would be unthinkable become acceptable as the illness takes hold, and people that are severely depressed actually start acting relieved or happy in their final days because they believe they’ve thought it through and made a good decision.

Over 70 percent of such cases are treatable with therapy and medication. Unfortunately, less than half ever seek treatment as the social stigma of “mental illness,” where people think it’s a “weakness of character,” persuades them to keep it to themselves. Sometimes with tragic results.

I have learned all of this because ironically, Paul asked me to help out one of his friends who was a member of a group called Friends Of Loudoun Mental Health back in January. They needed someone to finish putting together their annual report and they didn’t have any money to hire someone. I said OK, and found them to be a great group of people who gave every dime they had back to people who needed help. Everyone is a volunteer. And just about everyone has watched first-hand a member of their families suffer some form of serious depression or mental illness.

For all of them, it is personal.

If I needed any proof they understood all of this, several members were on the phone the day after Paul died. Not in a “if you feel like talking, give me a call” way. More like in a “if you don’t answer, we’re only going to keep calling” way. They seemed to know what we were all struggling to understand. They seemed to know the thoughts of grief, guilt, anger, “why?” and “what could we have done?” They seemed to know exactly what we were experiencing.

It’s because they have. One member even sent me an email that night, simply saying “now it’s personal for you, too.”;

So as a result, if I have any free time each week, it’s now going toward helping the Friends of Loudoun Mental Health. If you haven’t, follow them on Twitter at@loudounfriends. If you can, like them on Facebook. If you have a business and need a charity to partner with, consider Friends. If you’re an area high school or college student and want to give back to the community, they need all the volunteers they can get. Are you a budding webmaster? Help me rewrite their website.

Don’t have time? Send in a donation, as every dollar goes toward helping someone. Not sure if you can? Just know if we’ve ever met, I’ll be calling you. Their email is friends@loudounfriends.org. Their website is www.loudounfriends.org. Their phone numbers and other contact info is there. Should you or anyone you know ever have an issue, there’s a big red button on the website that says “Where To Get Help.” Click on it and every emergency number in the area is there. Call one.

Sometimes out of great tragedy comes some good. The best way I know to honor Paul’s memory is to raise awareness of the signs of depression and suicide, and maybe…just maybe…it’ll prevent something like this from happening again.

So if you knew Paul, help out. Be a Friend.

Because now…it’s personal for you, too.

Read more of Dave Scarangella at DullesDistrict.com